Media and me

I am a September 2003 baby, which means I have spent my whole life being indoctrinated into the Internet and online culture, yet, for me, digital/social media is not so much a form of communication as a form of isolation. In the 21st century, media has simply become... too much. It's an overload of information designed to entrap us.

I deactivated my social media accounts for that reason- the toxicity as a result of the sheer quantity. I am someone who can scroll down Instagram for hours on end, engaging in a self-perpetuating cycle of inferiority, obsessiveness, and boredom. Social media exists as a way to filter our lives, to show the world our best and brightest and happiest moments. We don't take snapshots of our failing grades or squabbling parents.

We choose the stories of our lives. We decide what events to share. And although I am writing as if I am wise, worldly, aware of and immune to the fakeness of social media, I'm not. In the past, I have looked at the social media accounts of my peers and analyzed where I rank in my constant comparisons. Do I have as many followers? How many people watched my videos? Am I popular enough (a useless but depressingly common measure of self-worth I often catch myself doing)? The answers always seem to be no. There are others who appear smarter, more athletic, better and bigger and brighter in every possible way.

The only way to keep up is to post more, more, more, to scroll more, more, more, to spend more and more and more time in the spiral of social media. Or, as I did, attempt to escape entirely, but that's extremely difficult to achieve today, especially since a large portion of my friends communicate solely through social media. For me, social media created a choice between two extremes-communicating with people digitally while simultaneously isolating myself from the real world, or an abrupt disconnect from a filtered lifestyle? I went with the curious state of freeing myself from the constant inferiority complex but not existing in the same stratosphere as my friends anymore.

I chose to try and stop using my social media. However, not having a social media doesn't mean I am free from the relentless impacts of digital communication. Awareness of the negative impacts social media has on my well-being hasn't stopped me from using photo-shopped pictures or carefully curated captions to judge myself or others.

Looking back at this post, I use the word "free" multiple times. But it's 2018, and we can't truly be free in the age of social media.